I woke up to the terrible, terrible news that Benazir Bhutto, former Prime Minister of Pakistan, who had recently returned to her homeland following years of exile, was assassinated today at a political rally. The killer than blew himself up and killed an additional 22 PEOPLE. 23 unwarranted, wasteful deaths
She along with current President Pervez Musharraf were due to participate in government elections on January 8th, 2008. I am extremely concerned about what this means for the people of Pakistan and the country's future.
My condolences go out to the families, friends and admirers of Ms. Bhutto and those 22 PEOPLE who died today. May they all rest in peace. May this wonderful lady rest in peace as well.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Grin and Fake It
Its past midnight, the day after the day after Christmas (Dec. 27) and I am (what's a good word to use here? Plagued, Obsessed? Indaunted? Yeah, I'm indaunted by an idea my friend suggested to me on how to cope with life: that one has the ability to trick oneself into believing something, particularly, that you can trick yourself into thinking that you are happy.
I tried her suggestion several times but came to a brutal conclusion: tricking oneself into believing something is the same thing as lying to oneself. I see it as concealing the truth in order to function within a world that asks not what you can do for yourself, but how well you can keeps others happy. I see it as a resistance to address a problem that readily rises to the surface whenever you least expect it to.
I cannot trick myself into doing anything that I don't want to do. Not even for the sake of letting others off the hook from having to address that life is not all smiles and good times. I find it exhausting trying to pretend that things are well when they are clearly not. I guess this makes me a killjoy but feel that I have earned the right to not display the emotions I need to express. Its not selfish. The selfish thing would be to pretend that I am fine until someone gets a call at 3am saying that my suicide attempt failed.
On a side note: I guess the reason I'm bringing up the topic of suicide is because for the last number of months I've had a stronger desire to off myself than I've had since I was a teenager. I'm anxiety-ridden and miserable all the time. And I blame the medication that I'm taking.
I've made the personal decision to stop taking it. I realize that I might always be depressed to a degree because it is apart of my psyche. There's nothing wrong with me for admitting that I have a lot of issues to work through. But I strongly feel that I've run my course with my medication.
So farewell, Celexa. We had a good run and I hope that you can help others through a rough time that you helped me through earlier this year. I sincerely hope that you will be the last anti-depressant I will take over my very long life. Take care.
And with that, the New Year begins.
I tried her suggestion several times but came to a brutal conclusion: tricking oneself into believing something is the same thing as lying to oneself. I see it as concealing the truth in order to function within a world that asks not what you can do for yourself, but how well you can keeps others happy. I see it as a resistance to address a problem that readily rises to the surface whenever you least expect it to.
I cannot trick myself into doing anything that I don't want to do. Not even for the sake of letting others off the hook from having to address that life is not all smiles and good times. I find it exhausting trying to pretend that things are well when they are clearly not. I guess this makes me a killjoy but feel that I have earned the right to not display the emotions I need to express. Its not selfish. The selfish thing would be to pretend that I am fine until someone gets a call at 3am saying that my suicide attempt failed.
On a side note: I guess the reason I'm bringing up the topic of suicide is because for the last number of months I've had a stronger desire to off myself than I've had since I was a teenager. I'm anxiety-ridden and miserable all the time. And I blame the medication that I'm taking.
I've made the personal decision to stop taking it. I realize that I might always be depressed to a degree because it is apart of my psyche. There's nothing wrong with me for admitting that I have a lot of issues to work through. But I strongly feel that I've run my course with my medication.
So farewell, Celexa. We had a good run and I hope that you can help others through a rough time that you helped me through earlier this year. I sincerely hope that you will be the last anti-depressant I will take over my very long life. Take care.
And with that, the New Year begins.
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