Love is a funny thing...

Usually, at some point during the month I start reflecting back on my past relationships. It then occurs to me that I have had none. Do I consider myself lacking? fortunate? Most times I feel a combination of both.

My sole problem is trust. When you haven't had a healthy basic foundation for trust established when you were young, nor maintained when you were an adolescent, it leaves one in a bit of a limbo. I'm quite social but I don't maintain any romantic relationships because I have this underlying suspicion that whomever I date is ultimately going... to disappoint the living hell out of me.

High standards? You bet. I consider my heart too important to be trifled with. But in cutting myself off from taking the chance of being disappointed and getting hurt, I am in turn only hurting myself.

I guess what disappoints me the most is when I meet a guy that I would consider dating seriously. And usually, as though fates love to joke at a humans' expense, THE GUY HAS ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN ME.

It is always crushing. But I find I'm getting used to not getting what I want. I'm starting to realize that everything takes practice and that slowly but surely I am taking the baby steps needed to let true love into my life. And the only way to do that is to love yourself!

Loving yourself to me means: forgiving myself for not being superwoman, being vulnerable sometimes (even when you feel like its cracking your hardened exterior put out to the world everyday). Acknowledging that you are beautiful, sexy and have a wonderful mind. That you are kinder then you give yourself credit for. That you are dependable even though you are late more times than you can count. That it is okay to make mistakes because there is always a lesson to be learned from them; its called LIVING. And last, but not least, that you deserve happiness and whatever good things that come your way!

I'm on a slow journey to loving myself completely. But I'm making progress and that is a great thing. Anything worth wanting is worth working for. Loving myself is definitely worth it for me!