I've been off from work for two weeks. I spent the first week stressing out because I felt guilty for not working. My brain is wired to be always on the go, so not going to work was physically and emotionally painful. To top it off, I was studying for a couple of midterms and deriding myself for not being adept at drawing graphs. I my stomach churned all week. I was making myself sick for no good reason.
But now, as I sit in bed reading, at the end of what seems like to me a very short two weeks.
Now, I feel extremely grateful that I took this time to deal with the emotions that left me anxiety-ridden and in pools of tears. I needed to release what was engorged in my lungs for so long.
These two weeks also made me realize that I really need to change jobs/careers. This is why I'm so focused on taking night classes and applying graduate school. I want to work so that I can open doors for myself. If I stay with the career path that I am in now, I'm for certain going nowhere fast. Plus, I don't want to be bitter about living in San Francisco anymore. Been there, exhausted that.
The rain that has patched our foggy skies has been a unexpected comfort. Maybe I am like Shirley Manson in that I'm only happy when it rains. But the trickles of precipitation clean the sidewalk surface and give me a reason to smile at my own reflection in passing puddles.
I will return to work on Monday well rested and excited that i will have a break from work midweek. I'm taking Wednesday off so that I can attend a graduate school fair at a local university.
I will greatly miss not waking up until 10 a.m. and having every excuse in the world to sleep more or go to check out Halloween costumes.
Life, at this particular moment, is comforting. Thanks to the rain.
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